Beyond the business of murder

I knock at the door,
Loud enough to announce my arrival
To an awake you,
Yet softly, not to awaken you
If you're asleep, as it's half past two
I wait for a tense five seconds
And then I see your shadow
And prepare myself for a major row
You survey me with wide sleepless eyes
Pleading with me all the while
That what you think I've done
What I've repeated for pure fun
Didn't happen again that familiar night
But I can't assure you,
Just like I can't assure myself
Of what I believe to be wrong
And what I view as right
A tear trickles down your pretty cheek
As you already sense a hint of my fixture in the air
I want to hold you tight,
Tell you it sucks and that life's not fair
But I am uncomfortably aware
Of the trust and the love you feel
Despite the thing in me you so strongly hate
I wipe that dewdrop of pain away
And plant a kiss on your lips
Feel a sigh pass through your body
Wait for it to tide
For eternity
I hold you in my arms
And the beast within me 
Momentarily
Ceases to exist
And in my mind, 
I see the family of the man 
I just killed, break down wildly
Seeing his mutilated body
For I left it lying in the street
In front of his very own house
The knife still in his heart
And his eyes cut out for good measure
And unexplained cruel pleasure
I take my mind off that picture
Comfort a sobbing you
Running my murderer's hands through your hair
Saying it'll be alright,
But unsurprisingly. I don't convince myself,
And so, how could I convince you?